Give yourself time

Grief is different for everyone. Some people heal slowly. Others seem to move forward faster. Be patient with yourself and your family, especially your spouse.

Grief affects everyone differently. Even when two people are grieving the same loss, their experiences will not look exactly alike. Because of this, it’s vital to have realistic expectations and to give one another grace and patience during the healing process.

We encourage families and friends to be understanding with each other as they walk through grief. You may find yourself moving through your emotions faster—or slower—than someone close to you. That’s okay. There’s no “right” way to grieve. What matters is approaching each other with kindness and recognizing that grief is as unique as the relationship lost.

Expect differences

A father may grieve in silence while a mother wants to process out loud. Neither is wrong. Recognizing those differences can help you give one another grace.

Losing a child shatters your heart in ways words can’t express. We encourage grieving parents to remember that both are hurting deeply, even if their grief looks different. He explains how both have lost so much and need help. The key is not to judge how those around you process the grief. Seek help together as your journey through this heartbreak will not be identical, and that’s okay.

One parent may grow quiet, pulling inward, while the other needs to talk and share memories aloud. Neither response is wrong. Giving each other the freedom to grieve differently, without judgment, can bring moments of grace into the deepest pain. Healing begins when you walk through grief together, even when your steps don’t always look the same.

Surviving siblings need space to grieve too

Your children who are still living might feel afraid, confused, or even guilty. They need your honesty, presence, and reassurance that it’s okay to talk about their loss.

When children experience a significant loss—such as the death of a parent, sibling, or other loved one—their emotional response is shaped not just by the nature of the loss but also by their stage of development. Children grieve with the emotional and social tools available to them at the age they experience the loss. They are navigating complex emotions like sadness, confusion, and fear without having a fully developed understanding of what is happening to them or how to express it.

A critical aspect Dr. Hambrick highlights is that children often struggle to differentiate between what they are responsible for and what they are not. Because of this, feelings of guilt (“Was it my fault?”) or fear (“What if something happens to someone else I love?”) can easily become entangled in their grief journey. Unlike adults, who may have the language and emotional awareness to process loss in a more linear way, kids may internalize misunderstandings about the situation that they cannot easily articulate.

Further complicating their grief is that young children often express emotional pain behaviorally rather than verbally. They may act out, withdraw, regress developmentally, or show physical symptoms like stomachaches or headaches. Since they “aren’t always great at putting that into words,” adults around them must be attuned to both what is spoken and what is demonstrated through behavior.

Recognizing this reality should profoundly shape how we support grieving children. Patience, open-ended conversations, and safe spaces for expression are crucial. Adults must affirm that the child is not at fault and help gently untangle fear and guilt from the grieving process—validating their emotions without rushing them to find tidy answers.

Create space to honor your child’s memory

Lighting a candle, writing in a journal, planting a tree, or celebrating their birthday in a meaningful way can help you carry their legacy with love.

Honoring your child’s memory can become a healing part of your grief journey. Nan Deal shares how creating a special place, like a “grief garden,” gave her a space to remember and celebrate her son. Nan explains that the grief garden is a place where she or anyone could go to celebrate her son’s birthday and remember his life. It’s a place to grieve safely.

Having a physical space to reflect can bring comfort when words and emotions feel too heavy to carry. Finding meaningful ways to honor your child’s life can help you keep their memory close while learning to live with the pain of their absence. Planting a tree, writing in a journal, lighting a candle, or celebrating their birthday in a special way can all be healing. These moments of remembrance are not about moving on but about carrying your child’s legacy forward with love.

Grieving safely means giving yourself permission to feel every emotion, to reflect on beautiful memories, and to grieve in ways that are meaningful to you. Whether it’s a quiet place like Nan’s grief garden or a simple daily ritual, creating space to honor your child can become a sacred part of your healing.

One of the most healing steps you can take is to speak with others who’ve lost a child. Whether you talk to a trusted friend, a pastor, or a support group, letting others in is one of the most healing choices you can make.